Dog Poop in my Recycling Bin

Like the great eye of Sauron, the BevHills listserv focused with laser intensity on dog poop once again.

When the words “dog poop” show up in my inbox, you can pretty much pop the popcorn and sit back to enjoy instant hilarity. Today did NOT disappoint.

No other topic brings out the absolute utter insanity of the neighborhood quite like excrement.

At issue (once again) is the disposal of poop bags in other people’s big green curbside trash cans. One person gently reminded the group of that these cans actually belong to the City of Alexandria, so they are actually not personal property. The response?!

This sounds to me like an open invitation for everyone to put their dog poop in Tina’s* garbage can on Dogwood Drive? What’s your house number so we can dispose of our dog’s poop and then you can clean the can out when the waste turns to maggots?

(*All names changed to protect the crazies.)

From there, not surprisingly, the thread exploded.

Neighbor 1: Yesterday a lady with a very large dog on a very long lead decided that my front garden was her dogs new marking ground and let him roam for about 3 minutes doing his business here and there. I watched her from upstairs. Next time I’ll be squirting her (not the dog who is not at fault) with a water gun.

And then, perhaps, some voice of reason:

Neighbor 2: Dear God you people are freaking nuts. How old are you, 10? You seriously have nothing better to do than sit in your window monitoring your yard for dog walkers? You’re actually going to pull out a hose and squirt someone? That says an awful lot about you as a person.

Followed by an inspired current event joke:

Neighbor 3 [responding to person who rallied everyone to put poop in Tina’s can]: Thank you for becoming the Donald Trump of the listserv.

Zing!

But WAIT! Tina decides to double-down!

XXXX Dogwood Drive. I am happy to continue to be a good neighbor and let you use the can loaned to me by the city for your doggies do-do.

And then, like a unicorn pooping glitter rainbows (pun intended), the thread morphs into another cherished listserv topic on animal care and eco-friendliness when the owner of a pet shop in Del Ray chimes in…

Feeding a dog and/or cat raw frozen or freeze dried meals actually reduces the smell of feces considerably! One of the benefits of Raw Feeding your dog is the less mess that they leave behind. Because they are able to glean most of the nutrition from the food that they eat (Raw meals & meaty bones), the waste is considerably less. What they do leave behind crumbles away in a couple of days.

Here’s a quick Youtube vid to show you the result of a dog on raw meals! (WARNING, VIDEO CONTAINS DOG POO!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoIhJnTeu94

My head is already exploding from the hilarity of the past 3 hours of comments, when “Donna”, a prolific poster chimes in with:

I wish the people who let their cats roam freely would come to my yard and pick up their cat’s feces!!!!  And, talk about smell – cat urine has got to be one of the worst, especially on a hot day!

I’ll swing by and get that poop on my way to Tina’s house. Never change, Beverley Hills. Never change.