Strange incident while running this AM

Man in trenchcoat flashing passerbyAka, the time the listserv discussed masturbation…

Just wanted to give you a heads up on a strange thing that happened during my run this morning. I was heading over to meet a friend at 6:35am (it was light out) and I turned on Monticello Blvd from Russell Road and I was running on the left side of the road and a car stopped in the right lane. I looked over, he was making ‘jerking off’ motions at me and he was wearing a mask. He was driving a black Nissan Maxima. I just looked away, kept running and turned on the next street. He sped off when another car came down the hill. I called the police non-emergency number when I got home and I am waiting for a police officer to come over to take a statement. Stay safe out there.

Ew. Ok, that’s nasty and I’m sure we all want to be on guard and offer our support after something so disturbing. Or, make a joke…preferably a political one. The listserv *looooooves* that.

I know this is horrible but I have to make a little joke for everyone’s Friday humor:

Well we know it wasn’t Ted Cruz!

And just like that, #masturbation is a trending topic in BevHills! Cue the horrified and sputtering rants, including:

In all candor, it did offend me in behalf of folks who may have different views from yours and from mine. I am not a Cruz supporter, but folks on the listserve might be wise not to assume that everyone is a Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders supporter because they live in Alexandria and thus that such humor is “universal.” …ergo, perhaps better left unsaid!

All I can say is I can’t get this song out of my head today.

TGIF!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Plow survey

SMr. PlownOMyGod! Perhaps you heard we had an epic, one-for-the-recordbooks snowstorm. Of course, I know you are well aware of this because for two days straight, all you listserv folks did was sell and barter snowpants.

Anyway, now that we’re all snowed in and cranky and liquored up, it’s time to start complaining about the speed, process and location of snow removal.

<pops popcorn>

The four stages of snow acceptance, according to the Beverley Hills Listserv:

1. Disbelief and dismay

I have seen several plows but unfortunately none of them have been plowing when I see them, and they are just leaving single-lane roads. I’m surprised more progress has not been made.

When you consider the city taxes we pay – and the increases incurred in years when the housing market was weak — this is really dismal.

2. Conspiracy theories

Listserv regular “Donna” comes out of hibernation:

Hmmm, does someone on the City Council live on Alabama???

3. Gratitude

Let’s all play Pollyanna’s glad game. I’m thankful that:

1. I have power
2. I have heat
3. I have groceries so I can eat
4. I have internet so I can post this message

The snowstorm this past weekend was of historic nature. It’s not a few inches of snow. It takes time to dig out. Give the city workers a break…they’re now dealing with a water main break on King and Quaker.

We all need to be grateful for what we have, rather than what we don’t have.

4. Nope, screw that gratitude crap

First entry in the glad game:

Well I’m glad they are working so hard, and I am sure they are. And earning a living. I am not. I would like to be able to get out to pay for those wonderful things: heat, internet etc. But I can’t.

For the record, *my* street is plowed. Clearly the City wants to stay on my good side.

Gun shots?

Yosemite Sam
Pew pew!

Nothing gets the listserv fired up (see what I did there?!) as much as potential mortal peril in our bucolic hood.

So naturally, there was concern late last night about potential shots fired. And naturally, the comments went from zero to 60 in an instant.

Did anybody just hear what sounded like two gunshots?
Lulu on Beverley

Good thinking posting that, Lulu. That’s what you want to do when you feel unsafe…LISTSERV TO THE RESCUE!

Yes here in franklin court too. Has someone called the police? If not I will.
Lara

At this point, I am imagining these two women cowering in their living rooms, furiously typing out messages to the listserv and waiting for one of the “regulars” to swoop in and save them.

Seriously?? Neither of you had called the police???????

BOOM. Commence throw down. Lulu defends her original email:

Settle down. Police were already responding by the time I hit send on my original post. Still not sure what happened. We couldn’t decipher the conversation happening on our police scanner app.

I’m sorry…WHA?! So you are not calling the police, but writing the listserv and listening to a police scanner (there’s an app for that?!).

Like clockwork, the snarky peacekeepers rear their heads.

Seriously – simmer down. What good does this berating do? Keep it to yourself.

Followed shortly by:

Yes we called the police, you lunatic.

Ah, civil discourse at its finest. The kicker is I still don’t know if actual shots were fired or not.