GET OFF MY LAWN! (Labor Day edition)

Get off my lawnRemember your first summer job as a kid?

Your pal Bev collected pool passes at her local community swimming hole, and used the meager earnings to buy candy cigarettes from the ice cream man in a pathetic attempt to look like a deviant.

Perhaps so many kids these days are forgoing typical summer jobs and instead becoming Instagram influences, Fortnight players, and bitcoin miners, that we’ve forgotten what a classic summer job for kids is really all about.

Because the appearance of some local kids trying to make money mowing lawns has got the listserv all triggered:

2 boys – are knocking on doors with a gas mower , a can full of gas, and a gas edger … i asked how old they are, took a picture… and the response was 12 and 13. Oh and the younger one kept dropping the gas can…This concerns me.. if you are their parents – how did this happen… the older buck said he is just trying to raise money — and was really rude….— question… how would you handle this?

Not surprisingly, the BevHills legal scholars quickly sprung into action.

The email thread was quickly dominated by detailed use case scenarios on child labor laws and documentation on the legal age to use power equipment from the Department of Labor. This included debate on the nuances of gas versus electric edgers.  I. KID. YOU. NOT.

(Aside: I am now really nervous about those cute little book lending library boxes not being up HUD building code. And don’t get me started on the OSHA standards of all the kiddos’ lemonade stands.)

After the legal furor died down, it then became time to pull the race card and play the “Guess the ethnicity of the mowers” game.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t give mad props to the neighbor who tied this thread together with my last one about the great fireworks debate:

Now that we cleared that up, I’m assuming all the anti-sparkers-for-supervised-birthday-parties people are now the pro-unattended-minors-with-open-containers-of-gasoline-and-potentially-hazardous-machinery people.

Of course, I’m so thankful my ol’ pal Raji resurfaced to put it all in perspective:

Friends, I see from recent postings that it is the season for us to share our hopes for our community:

— Loud morning walking is NOT acceptable
— Our “pit” is not a gathering place for drunken fathers or broken toys
— There are far too many squirrels and population reduction is encouraged
— If your trash can is on the street, it is a poop target, and you get extra points if the deposit is made post refuse collection
— Disputes of lawn maintenance can only be settled with physical violence
— Nude dancing in your back yard is not ok if I can see it
— The curb is for good free stuff, not your old exercise bike, quitter
— The Tour de France is in France, not down my street every weekend morning
— Aim your sprinkler properly …the sidewalk will not grow no matter how much you water it
— My lawn is not for your kids’ toys. My trash can is.
Speaking of trash cans, if these boys want to smooth things over and make more money in BevHills, I suggest dog walking.
I highly encourage them to throw out the poop in everyone’s green City trash can 😉.

 

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Fireworks about fireworks 🔥

sparklers spelling out the word POOP
Of course I could google “sparkler poop” and find this image!

Guess how many replies it took for the post about “Where can I find sparklers for a party” turned into a raging gun control debate?!

If you guessed three, you’re a big winner!

Now, I thought everyone knew that fireworks of all kinds are illegal in Alexandria, and that you have drive over to the Fairfax side and sneak them in (not that *I* would ever do that!).

But instead of a polite reminder, we got this:

THEY ARE ILLEGAL.
END OF CONVERSATION.
Same as firing a gun is.
Get over it.

My only complaint is that the jokesters beat me to all the good zingers, so enjoy:

And you’re more likely to be (idiotically) reported to the Mayor’s office for cutting your own trees down on your own private property before being fined for shooting a gun, I mean lighting a few sparklers.

 

A more pressing DANGER to our community are the off-leash dogs which are ALSO illegal and carry the steep threat of fines, dog impounding, court summons, etc., yet nothing ever happens to these non-rule-abiding residents….Letter of the law isn’t exactly followed OR enforced around here…

 

[What about] the anti-tree-cutters on S Overlook that call the Mayors office to tattle in futility and then blast personal contact information on every City of Alexandria list serve in an effort to harass and bully?

But honestly the best part of the still-ongoing thread is that my man Raji is back with his hilarity:

I think we can all agree shooting a gun is only acceptable in self defense or in defense of a dog fecal incident, and even then the dog or owner must be shot in the act of the fecal deposit or encouraging it, and only if they are inserting a sparkler in the the poo pile, birthday cake style.

A gentle warning: Watch out for unpicked up dog poop

<popcorn!>

I will start by noting that my Google search history is forever ruined by the phrase “image of person throwing dog poop.”

So…it seems the ridiculously rainy spring has finally drove the residents to the brink.

Yes, that’s right, dog poop posts are back.

And this time, the poop is *airborne*.

Watch out for unpicked up dog poop. I was parking my car in front of my home a few minutes ago when I saw a couple with a small dog pooping in front of my house. They rushed off when they saw me. When I got out of the car, I saw a big blob of dog poop on the sidewalk.

[Editor’s Note: I love how the poor grammar makes it seem as though the *couple* was pooping in her yard with their dog as witness and ran off when spotted.]

I figured they hadn’t gone far so I drove down the block to track them and get them to come and pick up the poop. The man was very unpleasant. At first he denied it and threatened to throw dog poop on my car window. But, I wasn’t going to get frightened, and I said I was going to drive behind them slowly and make sure they picked it up. <emphasis added, because good LORD!>

So watch out for them. He is about 6’3”, with light brown/blonde hair, and a blue T-shirt. The girl with him is about 4’5″, looks about 12 or 13 years old, and wearing white flowered tights. Their dog is a small black dog, probably part Shi tzu or some kind of a toy breed. He had a very menacing tone. Please look out for them in case they’re headed your way.

For those in the know, this post was initiated by a listserv regular who lists her location as “on Spring Street,” and has been known to post about her cat’s irritable bowel syndrome.

Can you seriously imagine someone slowly stalking you with their car, yelling about dog poop?!

Thank goodness the BevHills comedian vigilantes were eager to take up the case. God bless the man who posted this zinger:

I’ve come back from a 30 minute patrol looking for these two menaces. I saw a couple that matches your description but all I attempted to question threatened to throw feces at me and other citizens upon continued inquiry. Potential suspects I confronted said that sometimes shit happens and if people feel unsafe we have the option to contact public safety officials. Their hands looked clean but I will remain vigilant.

 

Someone took all our Halloween Candy

Trick or TreatersApparently my delusional neighbors here in BevHills think that our bucolic avenues here are somehow exempt from the time-honored antics of Halloween.

You know the drill:

We left a very large bag full of Halloween candy on our doorstep with a note saying please take some. We have a newborn baby and so didn’t want people ringing our doorbell. Some kids just came to the door and when we went out, the whole bag had gone. The candy was there to be given away, but we feel disappointed that we had nothing to give those children because someone was selfish enough to take the whole lot.

We got hit too. Next year I am going to add a line to my “please just take a few pieces” note that says “camera surveillance in use”. Maybe that will scare them straight!
GASP! Hooligans and ruffians have invaded, because clearly they could NOT have been raised here and display such horrid manners!

Same for us.  An overflowing bowl, gone while unattended for less than 30 minutes, and before dark.  That tells me the culprits were likely accompanied by parents who were ostensibly raised better than that.  Very disappointing.

My old buddy Donna (who wrote in a post-mortem listserv email about the Gun Shots? post that I was *jealous *of her) was kind enough to chime in and make unsubstantiated claims about the nature of the mischief:

I saw several large groups of pre-teens/teens without adult supervision on Russell Rd. before dark. I got the young ones at my house after dark (with adults). They were very polite!

Thankfully, my neighbor “Henry” made my blog posting easier with this gem:

The several large groups of pre-teens/teens without adult supervision on Russell Rd. came to Circle Hill after that and REPLENISHED my empty bowl.  Some were dressed (?) as gypsies and Rajis and poop bags.

Dog poop trash can

Which reminds me, did any of you see my costume this year?

I think it was rather inspired.

Noise ordinances

ShhhhhhhRuh roh! “Donna” woke up on the grumpy side of the bed today!

Do you need a little splash of passive aggressive in your coffee?!

Just a reminder – do not use power tools or any other noisy items until after 9 AM on Saturdays and Sundays. It’s the law. I can hear you out there right now but you started at least 1/2 hour ago.