GET OFF MY LAWN! (Labor Day edition)

Get off my lawnRemember your first summer job as a kid?

Your pal Bev collected pool passes at her local community swimming hole, and used the meager earnings to buy candy cigarettes from the ice cream man in a pathetic attempt to look like a deviant.

Perhaps so many kids these days are forgoing typical summer jobs and instead becoming Instagram influences, Fortnight players, and bitcoin miners, that we’ve forgotten what a classic summer job for kids is really all about.

Because the appearance of some local kids trying to make money mowing lawns has got the listserv all triggered:

2 boys – are knocking on doors with a gas mower , a can full of gas, and a gas edger … i asked how old they are, took a picture… and the response was 12 and 13. Oh and the younger one kept dropping the gas can…This concerns me.. if you are their parents – how did this happen… the older buck said he is just trying to raise money — and was really rude….— question… how would you handle this?

Not surprisingly, the BevHills legal scholars quickly sprung into action.

The email thread was quickly dominated by detailed use case scenarios on child labor laws and documentation on the legal age to use power equipment from the Department of Labor. This included debate on the nuances of gas versus electric edgers.  I. KID. YOU. NOT.

(Aside: I am now really nervous about those cute little book lending library boxes not being up HUD building code. And don’t get me started on the OSHA standards of all the kiddos’ lemonade stands.)

After the legal furor died down, it then became time to pull the race card and play the “Guess the ethnicity of the mowers” game.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t give mad props to the neighbor who tied this thread together with my last one about the great fireworks debate:

Now that we cleared that up, I’m assuming all the anti-sparkers-for-supervised-birthday-parties people are now the pro-unattended-minors-with-open-containers-of-gasoline-and-potentially-hazardous-machinery people.

Of course, I’m so thankful my ol’ pal Raji resurfaced to put it all in perspective:

Friends, I see from recent postings that it is the season for us to share our hopes for our community:

— Loud morning walking is NOT acceptable
— Our “pit” is not a gathering place for drunken fathers or broken toys
— There are far too many squirrels and population reduction is encouraged
— If your trash can is on the street, it is a poop target, and you get extra points if the deposit is made post refuse collection
— Disputes of lawn maintenance can only be settled with physical violence
— Nude dancing in your back yard is not ok if I can see it
— The curb is for good free stuff, not your old exercise bike, quitter
— The Tour de France is in France, not down my street every weekend morning
— Aim your sprinkler properly …the sidewalk will not grow no matter how much you water it
— My lawn is not for your kids’ toys. My trash can is.
Speaking of trash cans, if these boys want to smooth things over and make more money in BevHills, I suggest dog walking.
I highly encourage them to throw out the poop in everyone’s green City trash can 😉.

 

Strange incident while running this AM

Man in trenchcoat flashing passerbyAka, the time the listserv discussed masturbation…

Just wanted to give you a heads up on a strange thing that happened during my run this morning. I was heading over to meet a friend at 6:35am (it was light out) and I turned on Monticello Blvd from Russell Road and I was running on the left side of the road and a car stopped in the right lane. I looked over, he was making ‘jerking off’ motions at me and he was wearing a mask. He was driving a black Nissan Maxima. I just looked away, kept running and turned on the next street. He sped off when another car came down the hill. I called the police non-emergency number when I got home and I am waiting for a police officer to come over to take a statement. Stay safe out there.

Ew. Ok, that’s nasty and I’m sure we all want to be on guard and offer our support after something so disturbing. Or, make a joke…preferably a political one. The listserv *looooooves* that.

I know this is horrible but I have to make a little joke for everyone’s Friday humor:

Well we know it wasn’t Ted Cruz!

And just like that, #masturbation is a trending topic in BevHills! Cue the horrified and sputtering rants, including:

In all candor, it did offend me in behalf of folks who may have different views from yours and from mine. I am not a Cruz supporter, but folks on the listserve might be wise not to assume that everyone is a Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders supporter because they live in Alexandria and thus that such humor is “universal.” …ergo, perhaps better left unsaid!

All I can say is I can’t get this song out of my head today.

TGIF!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update on Oakville Triangle/ Rte 1W Small Area Plan

Mad mapIt’s a twofer this week, friends!

There’s a lot going on in the hood right now. Some folks are legitimately trying to learn more about a somewhat controversial, large land-use project. Some folks are complaining about barking dogs. Some are calling the listserv instead of the police when they hear shots fired. And some are sputtering mad and confused that Comcast has gotten rid of 200 sh*tty channels you weren’t watching anyway.

I seriously cannot make this stuff up.

Anyhoooo, a for those of you who read the listserv more than once a year, you probably have seen a lot of posts from a certain “Donna”. She has taken to having private emails with a city representative about this land use project, and then posts them on the listserv with LOTS of additional dismissive commentary that the rep isn’t privvy to seeing (passive aggressive much?!).

One of the maybe 10 emails Donna has posted so far began like this:

Councilman Wilson has responded to me and I have forwarded his responses to the listserv.  He has sent a copy of the 174 page plan link which I forwarded. On pg. 117 is a picture of the Glebe Rd. intersection. He has placed blame for the current problems on those in office in 1999 who put the original plan in place without consideration for the existing neighborhood.

Ok, pretty harmless stuff, minus the aforementioned end-around snarking on private emails from Mr. Wilson.

But wait! This lil’ gem arrived in my inbox not 5 minutes ago:

Donna, thank you for continuing to publicly air your correspondence with Mr. Wilson. Perhaps you could channel this into another one of your “what bugs me” columns instead of filling up my email inbox with your complaints.

Oooooooo. BURN. Everybody knows that Donna writes for one of those local papers that they fling on your lawn even though you didn’t ask for it, and mostly goes straight into my recycle bin, along with bags of my neighbors’ stinky dog poop (bwahahaha). So, this is a pretty specific jab at ol’ Donna.

But, Donna’s got friends, and they have her back:

— and perhaps you would be willing to identify yourself to the rest of us?
“Nina”, Cameron Mills Rd
Nina I am happy to identify myself. I’m your neighbor on Cameron Mills.
 And I’m getting tired to the volume of crap on the listserv. People berating each other for not calling the police when they hear shots fired. People broadcasting to the entire neighborhood that someone is violating a noise ordinance (and in a passive aggressive manor to boot) — especially when the person making the noise couldn’t possibly be reading the listserv while making said noise. People who think it’s their right to complain about dog poop to the entire neighborhood. People who feel the need to complain to the ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD that they didn’t read the Comcast notice and are upset they need to change the channel on their DVR.
For goodness sake, remember that there are SEVERAL THOUSAND subscribers to the listserv. Just because you can send an email to everyone doesn’t mean you should.

Bravo, neighbor! If you know whoever posted this gem, please direct him/her to my humble blog, will ya? They would be a lovely contributor for our growing hilarious commenters.

[Update 1: Mad props to “Jenna”, who took the Comcast dig in stride:]  

Ouch. Ok that hurt. I was simply trying to figure out if I was the ONLY ComCrap customer having issues. Can’t wait for the holiday-lights-big-blow-up-stuff-on-the-lawn after February discussions to come! Sorry.

[Update 2: Donna gets miffed at being called out for her columns:]

And I would find it more pleasant for writers to respect the listserv by spelling/editing their messages. — Donna